What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 10:07
I write beautiful poetry .
What did i know ?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why are men so attracted to big breasts?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
It was going to be , some day.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
4 Nutrients You Should Be Eating to Help Lower Dementia Risk, According to a New Study - EatingWell
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Why are perceived or real slights interpreted as rejections and reality by pwBPD?
I could never make a relationship work though!
One cannot live in the past .
We were not on the streets..
How does growing up in chaos affect a child as they become an adult?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Amino Acid Supplements Are Trending For A Reason. Here’s Why Dietitians Are Divided. - AOL.com
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was scared of men, in general
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She found it foreign!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
What are the best Jewish jokes?
Put me off passion for life!!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
This is soul school!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
GameStop promise replacements after retail staff staples Switch 2 screens - OC3D
And who doesn’t know suffering?
When she asked me how she looked .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Are infrared sauna blankets safe to use at home?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Meta pauses mobile port tracking tech on Android after researchers cry foul - theregister.com
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And i lived it daily.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
All the time i was locked up.
My life is so biszare .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I waited trembling.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She married twice! .
As i do to all so called friends.?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She was in good health!
So whats the point in blame.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He knew the spot.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I think the readers, may guess!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I said to her
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I couldn’t, believe it.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But ive been too sick for many years..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Ive learnt so much.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Who then, do I blame.?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
So, i spoilt her more .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Especially a lifetime of it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was 9 years of age.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was very sick at this time too.
I was seconnd youngest,
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But, we were locked up after school.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But it wasn’t much.
My family never makes their pension either.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I have no regrets .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He resisted the act ,that day.
Would this be the day?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Comes on , in middle age.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I don,t even have a pension.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im still living with it.
I will be 64.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She wouldn,t have been !
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She loved him until the end.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We all went to grammer schools